Here Goes!

So I promised former co-worker and friend extraordinaire Danielle K. that I would update my blog. So I'm sitting here in comfy clothes with a rich chocolatey Ovaltine drink and trying to think of how to start this. And I can't think of how to start! But I do want to share a goal I have that will satisfy the curiosity and happenings of what has happened the last 18 months (wow, just looked at the calender and realized it is EXACTLY 18 months ago when it all went down!)...

I am going to write a book!

I am happy to be writing again and I hope that my writing will be therapeutic for me and for anyone else who has gone through similar events. It will not be a "tell-all," but of my random thoughts and what I did to cope (and what I would recommend NOT doing: ie excessive retail therapy!). So, that's what's going to happen! Janis Holcombe, coming soon to a Starbucks near me, to sit and get high off the fumes of the espresso machine and the sugar from Frappachinos while I sit with my MacBook and bare my soul in black and white. And I couldn't be more excited!

In the meantime, here is a shot of downtown Fredericksburg from tonight as the storms were rolling in.

Starting Over....Again

It has been a LOOONNNGG time since I posted anything on here. But I promise it's not because of any laziness or forgetfulness. I've just been dealing with a huge, life-changing event that has left me heartbroken, broke, confused, angry, sad, humbled. At the age of 25, I am going through a divorce.

But it's not just any old "We grew tired of each other" or "He cheated on me" kind of divorce. My husband was charged with, in a nutshell, child molestation.

This is the first time I've made such a statement so public. I've said it in emails that were sent out to multiple people, but this is the first time that everyone will have access to this declaration. My husband is in jail because he has urges that he can't control. And these urges are not something that I can live with for the rest of my life.

Guinea Pig time!

I did it...I went out and bought it...





I've always wanted to be that person at a fashion or lifestyle magazine that gets to try the cool, new things that come out to see if they really are worth the hype or are JUST hype. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is my own fashion/lifestyle 'zone, and I am CEO, CFO, editor-in-chief, art editor, intern, etc etc etc.

I will report my findings to you on this newfangled contraption that claims to shape your arms and chest in just MINUTES A DAY! (Don't worry, I am saving the receipt in case this thing ends up being more worthwhile as a door stopper).

I also found something else that makes me happy and I must say, it really doesn't taste too far off from the high-fructose-corn-syrup variety:




I know that people say that HFCS is really better for you and real sugar is harsher on your digestive system and blah blah blah blah blah...all I can say it, I don't fathom people in the Biblical times telling each other, "Oooo don't use the sugar cane...it's so unhealthy!" (Just like someone told me that carrots are a no-no food for their diet because it has so much sugar in it. Any diet that forbids carrots just doesn't seem right to me! Can anyone explain this? I don't mind being educated!). Yeah, too much of it is bad for anyone, but sugar cane is more natural and I want to see if my body will enjoy it more. So far, my tastebuds are happy.

As Seen on TV!

For those of you who know me well, I am not a big TV watcher. If there is a show that I hear people rave on and on about, I catch up on it using Netflix, then watch it online when I have time/energy/nothing better to do. I don't know if it was my upbringing (going outside whenever it wasn't lightning or reading every book in the young adult section of the library), but sitting in front of the TV never really was a priority of mine.

When a best friend died in 2007, I spent two weeks at his fiance's house, sitting on the couch and alternating between crying, laughing, and watching whatever was on their huge flat screen TV. I was introduced to shows like Ghost Hunters, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares, Reba...

And now, the rescue station has a huge TV in the day room, with a million channels and not much to watch. But late at night, when everyone else is asleep there and my nocturnal brain is keeping me awake, I watch programs like Nick at Nite. They broadcast the shows that I wasn't really allowed to watch by sneaking behind my parents' backs while at friends' houses (sorry Mom and Dad! I still turned out to be a pretty good kid despite watching Fresh Prince of Bel-Air!). But when it comes time for the commercial break, they don't show several 30-second spots; they have one mini-infomercial, which they show every time it's time for a commercial break. And it's always those As Seen on TV type of products.

And I like them!

When I saw an ad for the Shake Weight, I made a smart comment like, "Or you could just do a pushup." But the more I watched it, the more I thought, "I wanna get rid of my flabby arms!" I would have taken out my credit card and ordered it right then and there, but a co-EMT told me she saw it at Target. I may have to make a trip there next week.

And it's not like I'm a sucker for buying cheap "junk." So far, everything I've bought with the "As Seen on TV" sticker has brought me great happiness.

I currently own several products that displayed the iconic red label on it's packaging. My most current buy was the InStyler, which actually works and can straighten my waves and cow licks as if the makers had me in mind. People at work have even noticed that my hair is smoother and doesn't kink in a million different directions. Add that to the Hairdini, the Strap Perfect, and some type of shoe inserts I purchased for arch support, I am good to go out and face the world.

I just need a Snuggie and I may be able to face the couch at home.

I love CSI

I'm watching season 6 of CSI (the Vegas one) while I'm printing out photos to scrapbook. I am one year behind on scrapbooking and it's about time I got caught up! Watching this show makes me feel like I'm fresh out of high school again, striving to be either a journalist or a forensic scientist. I would stay up late (like I am now!), scrapbooking or working on some other project with this show on in the background.

I've been working a new diet and workout routine now that I am back to work and back to other normal activities. I feel pretty good! I still have some pain, but the good news is that my surgery to get rid of most of the endometriosis has been scheduled. I will be going in on March 2nd, registering before the sun is even up. I am excited to move on to this part! They won't be putting any new holes in my belly, either: they will use the old marks from my last two surgeries.

I don't have any deep thoughts right now. Nothing to vent about with Obama's SOTU address. Nothing about Apple's iPad (although I am exciting about it and thinking of how I can acquire one on my salary). I just feel so amazing and happy and blessed right now. I just wanted to share that :) :) :)

My Body Is A Jambeled Wonderland

I have been having some issues with self-esteem and just a general dislike for it. I don't like being in discomfort and I don't like being brushed off by doctors as being "just stressed out" or "needing to relax." I know women with kids who work full time and don't end up with as many headaches, joint pain, and stomachaches that I do! (See previous post for explanation).

But tonight, I had a realization. My body may be what others see as a disaster area, but it is amazing what it has gone through! My body may not be able to carry babies, but it can save them when their little lungs stop breathing. I may not have the shapely arms that I used to have when I did color guard in high school and college, but they are strong enough to crack ribs to get to a heart that has stopped beating (three CPR saves! Yay!). My body may have more than its fair share of creases and rolls, but it is strong and able. I may not have the bra size I would give myself, but my chest allows me to squeeze in small spaces to get to something or someone. I may have one of the worst cases of endometriosis my surgeon has ever seen, but I am able to stand up straight, work out, be on my feet for 12 hours at a community hospital ER....I'm able to function! I'm able to pass physical agility tests for police testing! I have the mental capability to keep taking deep breaths and "suck it up" when I can't take a painkiller and lay down.

I know how to take care of myself. I know what my body can and can't do and what is normal for it when most of what my body is is abnormal (I mean, how many other people have a third lobe in their liver on the opposite side that people who normally get third lobes have them??).

Every day is not guaranteed. Every breath is a blessing.

Don't Read If Health Stuff Bores You To Tears

So if you know me, you may already know that I am not the healthiest person you know. Sure, I'm a fairly active person. I eat several small meals a day. I drink water like a fish. I don't smoke. I rarely have alcohol (it's not a matter of religion or morals: I just have the weakest alcohol tolerance of anyone I have ever met. I'm sure infants could drink me under the table!). I keep my house fairly clean. I have never had the flu and I didn't start suffering from allergies until the last couple of years (but that goes for anyone who lives in Virginia!).

I just tend to get "sicky."

When I was four years old, I went to the doctor's for what looked like ear infections. The doctor would just look at my ears and hand my parents a prescription for antibiotics. This happened several times and my "ear infections" kept coming back. Then my mom noticed that I started biting my nails and that I constantly had a stomach ache. In the fall of 1989, I had what looked like chicken pox all over my body, but the spots weren't itchy. My joints were sore and my mom described the color of my urine as "Coke-colored."

My bewildered parents took me to the hospital and I was diagnosed with Henoch-Schonlein purpura. I vaguely remember being in a huge hospital bed, needing my mom to turn my head for me when I wanted to lay on the cool side of the pillow. I remember choking down a horrible, chalky syrup and finally learning how to swallow whole pills. I remember getting a huge balloon bouquet and a vellum paperdoll kit for my birthday. I remember the battles when I had to use the bathroom -- I had the choices of using a diaper or being carried to use the toilet. The diaper idea did not appeal to me, but it hurt to be touched -- much less carried -- when it came to the toilet. I believe in the end I chose pain over Pampers.

Ever since then, I have always been this "sicky" person. It's not like "I-always-have-a-cold-and-I-just-feel-blah" kind of sicky. I will be fine for several months, then I will be doubled over in pain and taken to the hospital. And for years, it has always been brushed aside as, "It's girl problems" or "You're just stressed out" or "You need to learn to relax." I am a pretty spiritual, in-tone person. I know my body's kinks and strengths. I know what is normal for me and what isn't. When there is something wrong, I do not appreciate being brushed aside.

Now that I am an adult, I have the lady balls to confront health professionals when I feel I've been wronged. And I am finally getting some answers!

When I was 14, I found out I had small fallopian tubes, which meant I could feel when I was ovulating. Hence, pain. Hello, birth control pills! But I still had horrible periods. There were days I missed school because I was in so much pain. I even passed out at Pizza Hut one day from it!

When I was 20, I found out that I had an extra lobe in my liver. That full, pressing feeling I feel on my left side? Oh, it's not my spleen about to rupture. It's just my liver is weaved between said spleen and my stomach.

When I was 22, I was diagnosed with IBS when they couldn't find out why I always had abdominal pain (this is where the "high stress" diagnosis came into play). I continued to fight this battle for two more years. I was also diagnosed with ovarian cysts. They grow to four centimeters before they rupture. Yeah, those hurt.

At 24, I noticed my chest would get these random pains and I would feel short of breath. My joints also began hurting a lot more often. My migraine headaches made friends with cluster headaches and became room mates. I was in pain EVERYWHERE! I would cry not from the severity of the pain, but from the irritation from it. I was tested for everything that blood work could reveal: Lupus, Lyme disease, rheumatoid arthritis, all of the hepatitis diseases, etc etc etc. Nothing.

I just accepted the fact that I was an achy person. Healthy in all ways except I feel pain. I started taking vitamins and that really helped with the joint pain. I visit a chiropractor once a week to help with the headaches. A doctor told me he thinks I have fibromylagia. I accept it, but something just didn't click with me when I researched it more. No, there was something else.

I think I found the answer to many of my problems on New Years Day 2010.

The two days before New Years Eve, I didn't feel so well. A lot of co-workers were asking me if I felt okay. Even some patients asked me if I had just worked all day. The following day, nausea was the name of the game. I felt miserable, which SUCKED because Leigh, the BFFL, was in town and I wanted to enjoy my time with her. The next day, I noticed pain on my lower right side. It doesn't take a genius to determine that it could be appendicitis. I brushed it off, thinking it was a killer cyst. However, my in-tuned mind urged me to not ignore it.

To make a long story short, Derek took me to the hospital where I work and they admitted me for possible appendicitis. They decided to operate the next day when they saw that I was in more pain and I had started vomiting more frequently. The surgeon requested that an OB/GYN doctor step into the surgery and take a look at my "girl parts" to see if there was anything notable while I was cut open.

This was a blessing in disguise. After surgery (in which they had to use Narcan when my breathing rate slowed to almost zero!), the doctor came into the room to tell me that I had a very advanced state of endometriosis. I already had adhesions (scar tissue) on my abdominal wall and I would have to get the uterine tissue burned off in another surgery to be scheduled soon.

I am one of those people who truly believes that everything happens for a reason. All the bad stuff we go through will lead to something amazing. So, I went through pain to get to surgery to find out I had one of the worst cases of endometriosis that the doctor had ever seen. And I believe that having this endometriosis will lead to another revelation that will be a blessing. It will suck and I will hate life at times, but it will all be worth SOMETHING. If not for me, for someone else.

Oh, and upon doing some research on endometriosis, here are complications from severe cases of it: abdominal pain, painful periods, IBS-symptoms, back pain, chest pain, joint pain, and headaches.

Fibromyalgia my foot.